#1. The insects are bad at night and I use a 99% deet spray to help with the bites. I'm in the bathroom and figure I don't need the light on - mistake number one. Spray one leg and rub it in. Grab the spray for the other leg and apparently had it pointed the wrong direction and got a full spray in both eyes. Stumble to the shower and rinse followed by two bottles of water to the eyes. Swollen, red, and blurry I figure it's the best I can do and go to bed. Wake with red and swollen eyes but still can see.
#2. Next day: Snacks are sold in larger bags containing about 10 smaller individual sized portions. After spraying my eyes, I treat myself to a couple snacks. The next day after returning from work I'm hungry so I grab a bag and open it and dump half the contents in my mouth. Something feels funny... I look in the mirror and see a bunch of small ants in my mouth. A quick look in the bag reveals thousands of tiny ants have penetrated the remaining bags. Quickly my mouth feels numb like a root canal and my lips look like a bad collagen implant. Shit, I encountered a number of life threatening adventures along the way but I'm going to die from crackers and ants - this sucks. Searching for options I find 50mg of benadryl that I take immediately. Ahhhhh, I have 2% lidocaine with epinephrine for local anesthesia. A quick calculation reveals that I'd expire from a complete heart block from the 1 gm of lidocaine in order to get an adequate dose of epi.
I'm now headed to a party with swollen lips and tongue, along with tearing and red eyes. I'm sure the girls will find it attractive. I'm not sure how I survive these adventures.